Things happen to people.
"Good" or "bad" entirely depends on the person and the perspective.
There is no such thing as "Bad things" and "Good people". What is Good to you is "Bad" for someone else and what is "Bad" to you is "Good" for someone else.
So let's say a Lion breaks into your house and eats you up.
The Lion is not responsible for all these "feelings". Neither are you. He is just following his behavior and you are an object of his behavior. All these feelings emerge from individual perspectives of "Good" and "Bad" and the "NEED".
"Good" or "bad" entirely depends on the person and the perspective.
There is no such thing as "Bad things" and "Good people". What is Good to you is "Bad" for someone else and what is "Bad" to you is "Good" for someone else.
So let's say a Lion breaks into your house and eats you up.
- Your neighbors will curse the Lion because they considered you good.
- Your enemies will praise the Lion because they considered you bad.
- The Lion's children will praise the Lion because they were Hungry.
- The Hyna's children will curse the Lion because they did not get a share.
- The Deer will praise the Lion because the Lion did not eat him and selected you as your food.
- The Forest officials will curse you because their job is on the line because the Lion ate you.
- The farmers will bless you because now you have awakened the government and the government will do something about it.
The Lion is not responsible for all these "feelings". Neither are you. He is just following his behavior and you are an object of his behavior. All these feelings emerge from individual perspectives of "Good" and "Bad" and the "NEED".
This is going to be the longest answer I've ever written on Quora because after reading the question details I want to say a lot to you. So many apparent problems, unmet expectations,burdens, negativity, loss of trust, people misunderstanding you have clouded your mind. You are not being able to act natural. Being frustrated for so much time, probably agreeing to what others believe about you seemed acceptable. Since, due to the aforesaid reasons, your power to reason out and logic isn't up to the full scale of what it can be, I'll happily do that for you. I'll separate our some features of you based on the question details.
The Good
The Bad
The Ugly
Got the pattern? Like everybody else you experience emotions. You do and I do. There is nothing wrong with that. But somehow, at the present moment, you seems to be inclined towards negative emotions. You can feel them at every level and this is what is killing you(metaphorically again!).
How come I'm able to see good in you while you can't do it right now?
Like I said, your mind is clouded by extremely negative emotions. Secondly, its your perspective. Talking about perspective,listen to this : A leaf is green is color. Scientifically speaking, it absorbs all the color and reflects green That is why we perceive it as green. The whole universe, including your mother,perceive it as green. Nobody sympathize with the perspective of the leaf. Is it green? No. As a matter of fact, it is everything but green.
Coming back to you, what you need is a paradigm shift in your perspective about yourself. How can you do it? Bring a transcendental shift in your emotions. Be happy. Feel happy. Focus on what you want,not the absence of it. e.g.- I don't wan't to fight with my mom is not similar to I wan't peace with my mom. That's where you need to understand the subtle difference.
Just to show your out of alignment with positive emotions- you used the word fail/failure seven times. Focus on the positive. Talk about success,feel successful,imagine success.
It couldn't be done
Instead of your true nature of a girl who is hopeful,confident and a fighter you have given in to the situation. You pity yourself. I've a comic strip for you.
Try yourself. Take the chance. You have a perfect backdrop for it. I know its hard to know exactly what you face. It's a dead who knows about the grave. But all you have to go from here is up up and up. Don't quit.
Story of Chinese Bamboo Tree
Like any plant, growth of the Chinese Bamboo Tree requires nurturing – water, fertile soil, sunshine. In its first year, we see no visible signs of activity. In the second year, again, no growth above the soil. The third, the fourth, still nothing. Our patience is tested and we begin to wonder if our efforts (caring, water, etc.) will ever be rewarded.
And finally in the fifth year – behold, a miracle! We experience growth. And what growth it is! The Chinese Bamboo Tree grows 80 feet in just six weeks!
But let’s be serious, does the Chinese Bamboo Tree really grow 80 feet in six weeks? Did the Chinese Bamboo Tree lie dormant for four years only to grow exponentially in the fifth? Or, was the little tree growing underground, developing a root system strong enough to support its potential for outward growth in the fifth year and beyond? The answer is, of course, obvious. Had the tree not developed a strong unseen foundation it could not have sustained its life as it grew. The same principle is true for people. People, who patiently toil towards worthwhile dreams and goals, building strong character while overcoming adversity and challenge, grow the strong internal foundation to handle success.
A Calm Mind
Once Buddha was traveling with a few of his followers.
While they were passing a lake, Buddha told one of his disciples, "I am thirsty. Do get me some water from the lake."
The disciple walked up to the lake.
At that moment, a bullock cart started crossing through the lake.
As a result, the water became very muddy and turbid.
The disciple thought, "How can I give this muddy water to Buddha to drink?"
So he came back and told Buddha, "The water in there is very muddy. I don't think it is fit to drink."
After about half an hour, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back
to the lake.
The disciple went back, and found that the water was still muddy.
He returned and informed Buddha about the same.
After sometime, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back.
This time, the disciple found the mud had settled down, and the water was clean and clear.
So he collected some water in a pot and brought it to Buddha.
Buddha looked at the water, and then he looked up at the disciple and said,
" See what you did to make the water clean. You let it be, and the mud settled down on its own, and you have clear water."
Your mind is like that too ! When it is disturbed, just let it be. Give it a little time. It will settle down on its own.
You don't have to put in any effort to calm it down.
It will happen. It is effortless."
Having 'Peace of Mind' is not a strenuous job, it is an effortless process so keep your mind cool and have a great life ahead
So fight. Fight with all your might. Make yourself proud. Make your parents proud. Make us proud :)
The Good
- Never think wrong of others
- Love your parents,siblings,friends, everyone
- Wish to see everyone happy
- Was in love once
- Never thought about the lover who had hurt you
- Considered your love incident as a learning lesson and moved on
- True lover
- Try your level best to motivate yourself and do at least something good in your life to make your parents happy
- Preparing for exams
- Pray to God
- Don't wish to commit suicide and against it
- Have motivated others to live life
- Always against giving up
- Still open for an option which can work for you
- Think the world is beautiful
- Always wanted a peaceful and happy life
The Bad
- Cursed by others including parents
- Get taunted for past failure
- Your mother can easily find a flaw in you-she calls you the worst person in entire universe,
- Usage of mobile phone is misunderstood as a mode to flirt with random dudes
- Never been in a relationship
- Your lover had hurt you
- Don't want your feelings to get hurt
- Not shown interest to anyone after first failed experience of love and your mother accuse you of it
- Failed in a few exams
- Couldn't prepare for exams effectively because of the environment
- Thinks that the time has come to give up
- Feels you are struggling and there is no way to go
The Ugly
- Accepting that you are an all time failure-a miserable failure
- Thinking that your parents hate you
- Believe the belief of your parents- you cannot succeed anywhere
- Feel shameful sometimes
- Accusation of your mother about love hurts a lot
- Don't think you could ever meet your parents' expectation
- The lectures and taunts at home hurts so much
- Wrong prayer to god
- Thinking your presence doesn't make any difference to anyone
- Think there is no one to go to when the whole universe is against you
- Feeling that you are all alone
- Don't want to live anymore, think killing yourself for the sake of others is a good idea
Got the pattern? Like everybody else you experience emotions. You do and I do. There is nothing wrong with that. But somehow, at the present moment, you seems to be inclined towards negative emotions. You can feel them at every level and this is what is killing you(metaphorically again!).
How come I'm able to see good in you while you can't do it right now?
Like I said, your mind is clouded by extremely negative emotions. Secondly, its your perspective. Talking about perspective,listen to this : A leaf is green is color. Scientifically speaking, it absorbs all the color and reflects green That is why we perceive it as green. The whole universe, including your mother,perceive it as green. Nobody sympathize with the perspective of the leaf. Is it green? No. As a matter of fact, it is everything but green.
Coming back to you, what you need is a paradigm shift in your perspective about yourself. How can you do it? Bring a transcendental shift in your emotions. Be happy. Feel happy. Focus on what you want,not the absence of it. e.g.- I don't wan't to fight with my mom is not similar to I wan't peace with my mom. That's where you need to understand the subtle difference.
Just to show your out of alignment with positive emotions- you used the word fail/failure seven times. Focus on the positive. Talk about success,feel successful,imagine success.
It couldn't be done
Instead of your true nature of a girl who is hopeful,confident and a fighter you have given in to the situation. You pity yourself. I've a comic strip for you.
Story of Chinese Bamboo Tree
Like any plant, growth of the Chinese Bamboo Tree requires nurturing – water, fertile soil, sunshine. In its first year, we see no visible signs of activity. In the second year, again, no growth above the soil. The third, the fourth, still nothing. Our patience is tested and we begin to wonder if our efforts (caring, water, etc.) will ever be rewarded.
And finally in the fifth year – behold, a miracle! We experience growth. And what growth it is! The Chinese Bamboo Tree grows 80 feet in just six weeks!
But let’s be serious, does the Chinese Bamboo Tree really grow 80 feet in six weeks? Did the Chinese Bamboo Tree lie dormant for four years only to grow exponentially in the fifth? Or, was the little tree growing underground, developing a root system strong enough to support its potential for outward growth in the fifth year and beyond? The answer is, of course, obvious. Had the tree not developed a strong unseen foundation it could not have sustained its life as it grew. The same principle is true for people. People, who patiently toil towards worthwhile dreams and goals, building strong character while overcoming adversity and challenge, grow the strong internal foundation to handle success.
A Calm Mind
Once Buddha was traveling with a few of his followers.
While they were passing a lake, Buddha told one of his disciples, "I am thirsty. Do get me some water from the lake."
The disciple walked up to the lake.
At that moment, a bullock cart started crossing through the lake.
As a result, the water became very muddy and turbid.
The disciple thought, "How can I give this muddy water to Buddha to drink?"
So he came back and told Buddha, "The water in there is very muddy. I don't think it is fit to drink."
After about half an hour, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back
to the lake.
The disciple went back, and found that the water was still muddy.
He returned and informed Buddha about the same.
After sometime, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back.
This time, the disciple found the mud had settled down, and the water was clean and clear.
So he collected some water in a pot and brought it to Buddha.
Buddha looked at the water, and then he looked up at the disciple and said,
" See what you did to make the water clean. You let it be, and the mud settled down on its own, and you have clear water."
Your mind is like that too ! When it is disturbed, just let it be. Give it a little time. It will settle down on its own.
You don't have to put in any effort to calm it down.
It will happen. It is effortless."
Having 'Peace of Mind' is not a strenuous job, it is an effortless process so keep your mind cool and have a great life ahead
So fight. Fight with all your might. Make yourself proud. Make your parents proud. Make us proud :)
1. Fall and Rise
Today, when I slipped on the wet tile floor a boy in a wheelchair caught me before I slammed my head on the ground. He said, “Believe it or not, that’s almost exactly how I injured my back 3 years ago .
2. A father's advice
Today, my father told me, “Just go for it and give it a try! You don’t have to be a professional to build a successful product. Amateurs started Google and Apple. Professionals built the Titanic
3. The power of uniqueness.
Today, I asked my mentor – a very successful business man in his 70’s – what his top 3 tips are for success. He smiled and said, “Read something no one else is reading, think something no one else is thinking, and do something no one else is doing.
4. Looking Back
Today, I interviewed my grandmother for part of a research paper I’m working on for my Psychology class. When I asked her to define success in her own words, she said, “Success is when you look back at your life and the memories make you smile.
5. Try and U shall know
I am blind by birth. When I was 8 years old, I wanted to play baseball. I asked my father- "Dad, can I play baseball?" He said "You'll never know until you try." When I was a teenager, I asked him, - "Dad Can I become a surgeon?". He replied "Son, you'll never know until you try." Today I am a Surgeon, just because I tried!
6. GOODNESS & GRATITUDE
Today, after a 72 hour shift at the fire station, a woman ran up to me at the grocery store and gave me a hug. When I tensed up, she realized I didn’t recognize her. She let go with tears of joy in her eyes and the most sincere smile and said, “On 9-11-2001, you carried me out of the World Trade Center.”
7. LOVE CONQUERS PAIN
Today, after I watched my dog get run over by a car, I sat on the side of the road holding him and crying. And just before he died, he licked the tears off my face.
8. A DOOR CLOSES TO OPEN ANOTHER
Today at 7AM, I woke up feeling ill, but decided I needed the money, so I went into work. At 3PM I got laid off. On my drive home I got a flat tire. When I went into the trunk for the spare, it was flat too. A man in a BMW pulled over, gave me a ride, we chatted, and then he offered me a job. I start tomorrow.
9. LOOKING BACK
Today, as my father, three brothers, and two sisters stood around my mother’s hospital bed, my mother uttered her last coherent words before she died. She simply said, “I feel so loved right now. We should have gotten together like this more often.”
10. AFFECTION
Today, I kissed my dad on the forehead as he passed away in a small hospital bed. About 5 seconds after he passed, I realized it was the first time I had given him a kiss since I was a little boy.
11. INNOCENCE
Today, in the cutest voice, my 8-year-old daughter asked me to start recycling. I chuckled and asked, “Why?” She replied, “So you can help me save the planet.” I chuckled again and asked, “And why do you want to save the planet?” “Because that’s where I keep all my stuff,” she said.
12. JOY
Today, when I witnessed a 27-year-old breast cancer patient laughing hysterically at her 2-year-old daughter’s antics, I suddenly realized that I need to stop complaining about my life and start celebrating it again.
13. KINDNESS
Today, a boy in a wheelchair saw me desperately struggling on crutches with my broken leg and offered to carry my backpack and books for me. He helped me all the way across campus to my class and as he was leaving he said, “I hope you feel better soon.”.
14. SHARING
Today, I was traveling in Kenya and I met a refugee from Zimbabwe. He said he hadn’t eaten anything in over 3 days and looked extremely skinny and unhealthy. Then my friend offered him the rest of the sandwich he was eating. The first thing the man said was, “We can share it.”
Courtesy : Ria Kothari
Today, when I slipped on the wet tile floor a boy in a wheelchair caught me before I slammed my head on the ground. He said, “Believe it or not, that’s almost exactly how I injured my back 3 years ago .
2. A father's advice
Today, my father told me, “Just go for it and give it a try! You don’t have to be a professional to build a successful product. Amateurs started Google and Apple. Professionals built the Titanic
3. The power of uniqueness.
Today, I asked my mentor – a very successful business man in his 70’s – what his top 3 tips are for success. He smiled and said, “Read something no one else is reading, think something no one else is thinking, and do something no one else is doing.
4. Looking Back
Today, I interviewed my grandmother for part of a research paper I’m working on for my Psychology class. When I asked her to define success in her own words, she said, “Success is when you look back at your life and the memories make you smile.
5. Try and U shall know
I am blind by birth. When I was 8 years old, I wanted to play baseball. I asked my father- "Dad, can I play baseball?" He said "You'll never know until you try." When I was a teenager, I asked him, - "Dad Can I become a surgeon?". He replied "Son, you'll never know until you try." Today I am a Surgeon, just because I tried!
6. GOODNESS & GRATITUDE
Today, after a 72 hour shift at the fire station, a woman ran up to me at the grocery store and gave me a hug. When I tensed up, she realized I didn’t recognize her. She let go with tears of joy in her eyes and the most sincere smile and said, “On 9-11-2001, you carried me out of the World Trade Center.”
7. LOVE CONQUERS PAIN
Today, after I watched my dog get run over by a car, I sat on the side of the road holding him and crying. And just before he died, he licked the tears off my face.
8. A DOOR CLOSES TO OPEN ANOTHER
Today at 7AM, I woke up feeling ill, but decided I needed the money, so I went into work. At 3PM I got laid off. On my drive home I got a flat tire. When I went into the trunk for the spare, it was flat too. A man in a BMW pulled over, gave me a ride, we chatted, and then he offered me a job. I start tomorrow.
9. LOOKING BACK
Today, as my father, three brothers, and two sisters stood around my mother’s hospital bed, my mother uttered her last coherent words before she died. She simply said, “I feel so loved right now. We should have gotten together like this more often.”
10. AFFECTION
Today, I kissed my dad on the forehead as he passed away in a small hospital bed. About 5 seconds after he passed, I realized it was the first time I had given him a kiss since I was a little boy.
11. INNOCENCE
Today, in the cutest voice, my 8-year-old daughter asked me to start recycling. I chuckled and asked, “Why?” She replied, “So you can help me save the planet.” I chuckled again and asked, “And why do you want to save the planet?” “Because that’s where I keep all my stuff,” she said.
12. JOY
Today, when I witnessed a 27-year-old breast cancer patient laughing hysterically at her 2-year-old daughter’s antics, I suddenly realized that I need to stop complaining about my life and start celebrating it again.
13. KINDNESS
Today, a boy in a wheelchair saw me desperately struggling on crutches with my broken leg and offered to carry my backpack and books for me. He helped me all the way across campus to my class and as he was leaving he said, “I hope you feel better soon.”.
14. SHARING
Today, I was traveling in Kenya and I met a refugee from Zimbabwe. He said he hadn’t eaten anything in over 3 days and looked extremely skinny and unhealthy. Then my friend offered him the rest of the sandwich he was eating. The first thing the man said was, “We can share it.”
Courtesy : Ria Kothari
It feels suffocating.
I belong to a middle class family and had never seen 'real' poverty during my childhood. Yes, I had a Hercules bicycle. Yes, I was given good education. Yes, I would go to Disney Land once a year. Yes, my parents would take me on holidays. I had a TV video game and a huge collection of cartridges that my mom had bought for me when I scored good marks.
Then I entered college. My sister's marriage was planned, my dad bought an apartment and had to pay my fees for engineering. All three events happened in quick succession and we were suddenly caught in debt.
Somehow, we got scammed and got ourselves chained into bank loans and then, poverty crept in. It all happened in such a rush that it felt as if I had to jump from an airplane without any preparation and learn to fly as I fell, or else, I'd be dead.
During a time span of 2 years (2008-2010), I had to fight poverty on my own.
Here is a crux of what happened:
I told my father that pursuing my education was not worth it given the crisis situation, and that I should take up a job and earn money for the family.
To this, my father said,
The year was 2008. My monthly expenses ranged between Rs. 900-1500 (including food). My engineering fees was Rs. 7000 per month; on the other hand, my family was fighting debt. In Lakhs. Each month, the debt would increase because of the education fee.
I was literally beaten and broken because I had no idea about how to generate money while I was still a student.
Every door that I knocked on, I was turned away. Every relative/ friend I asked for money from, slammed the door on my face.
There was a point of time in my life when I had just Rs.10 in my pocket for emergency or just in case, I needed to make phone calls from a local telephone booth. I would walk on the streets for days because I didn't have enough money to afford riding in a rickshaw. I would have to sustain on water when I was hungry and try to save as much as possible. I would work for hours in a data entry job and get paid Rs.1 for filling up forms. This way I earned Rs 80-100 a day. I saw my father giving up his scooter to save fuel costs. I saw my mom giving up attending family occasions. I saw my sister selling her jewelry. And I cried in the bathroom. Alone. For months.
When disaster comes, it comes with a battalion from all directions, all at once.
My girlfriend left me when I needed her the most. She said,
I lost her. I loved her; she was the only thing that made me smile but I lost her.For money.
I had died many deaths in those two years but this was the hardest blow. Losing the love of your life because you don't have enough money. I remember our last meeting. It was raining and we were standing below an asbestos shed, enjoying an alpenliebe as that was the only thing I could buy for her.
This was painful and I almost gave up on everything. Weird thoughts started hitting my mind.
Meanwhile, I got a public sector job which I did not like. I walked away. I was already broke, beaten and pushed to the corner but I chose to walk away. Somewhere inside my heart, I still had hope. I knew that this was a temporary bad phase and that 'This too shall pass'. But I could not allow mediocrity to creep in. I had a dream and a temporary crisis was no excuse for giving up on my dreams and settling for mediocrity.
Here is the resignation letter (some portions have been blurred for privacy)
Mission statement: Raise money as rapidly as possible and repay the debt.
Solution: Start a business which does not require initial investment. But this model should be able to scale itself rapidly. In short, the rate of its scaling should be higher than the rate at which the loan scales. Also, there should be some kind of virality associated with it so that it spreads itself without me having to spread it.
Weapon: Internet and Time. Now let's get some shit done.
I made up a website with 700 INR. Fuck, I did not have Rs. 700 to buy a domain name. I bought it on debt again. Here is a bill which is very close to my heart.....(it says Rs 275 in debt)
I didn't succeed in the first go. I had ZERO technical knowledge on how to build a website. But that was not going to stop me because I didn't had any other option. My survival depended on this and I had to do it, come what may.
My first website didn't pick up. Failed.
I made a second one. It didn't work either.
I made a third website. Failed.
Devastated, I gave it a fourth try. Countless hours spent googling, coding, writing and building it. I remember those days when I used to lock myself in a balcony and google all day long. Days, nights, and weeks, I toiled like a madman. I forgot everything. I burned the midnight oil night after night. I crossed mountains of failures and I wrote, I wrote and I wrote. I suffered from Jaundice and lost 14-20 Kgs. That was the time when I realized what hard work meant.
First month, I made $1.29. Second month, I made $8. Third month I made $21.
And then some more.
And then some more.
And then some more...
When a wolf smells blood and flesh around, it becomes a dangerous beast. I had smelled my flesh and I jumped on my prey with all I'd got.
I generated $40,000 in two years. For the curious and those who doubt my story in their comments - I didn't raise it from a single website, there were some small sites as well. Also, I did a good amount of freelancing. This was to ensure that I had multiple ways of generating money, should the main site crash. The site did suffer a major blow but by that time I had solidified my basement.
Here is a picture of my balcony where I used to work on my website and other things (yes a CRT monitor and a broken laptop which college authorities had gifted me)
I had not wanted to share the stats. But after some people requested for it, here goes the journey of the website.
Adversity causes some men to break, others to break records.
I paid off the whole debt. Even saved a bit.
Today, I work at LinkedIn. It's like a dream come true for me.
No, I am not an MBA. I am not an IITian either. Nor did I go to U.S. to get a degree from an Ivy league university. No, I did not get the job through campus placement. Neither did I make it through employee referral. I am just another average graduate from just another average engineering college. I just did one thing and did it well - put my heart and soul into what I really wanted to do.
(I am at the extreme left, red kurta and dhoti. Colleagues are overjoyed on cultural day. More pics here Cultural Day @ Slideshare/LinkedIn Delhi)
But the lessons I learned in those two years have helped me shape my character and be a better person. Those were the longest and the hardest 2 years I will never be able to forget. Also, the most worthwhile time of my life so far.
I don't waste money now.
Lesson learned the hard way - Be grateful for what you have.
These days, my parents are looking for a bride for me. When the girl's father asks for my salary, I smile and say "I hope your daughter gets a wealthy guy. Because I know money matters. Every single rupee counts."
When I return home in flight, a part of me cries. Not because I am spending money on traveling which can be done in train. I feel bad thinking someone on this planet needs this money to feed himself. And here I am, traveling in a jet to save time because I am short on leave.
Lesson: Be kind, for everyone out there is fighting a hard battle.
Here is sharing the first cheque I received for my website. This was that day when I cried the most. Whenever I am in trouble, I open my archive and see this cheque. This gives me all the strength that I need.
1. Lead a loan free life. Need a car? Wait. Don't jump into an EMI. Save and then buy the car. Avoid banks as much as possible. No credit cards, I don't need cashback and other things. Want to study abroad? Don't take huge educational loan. If at all you take loans, have something to fall back on. Money is fire, you gotta be careful. Save. Every month Pay Yourself First
2. Make mistakes. Fail, fail fast and make it public. Don't drag it on. I wouldn't have succeeded in this wild venture had I listened to people telling me I write shitty articles. In fact, all I wrote for the first year was pure garbage. But here is the thing. I didn't stop. I kept pressing on because I had no time.
3. Do not be ashamed of your situation. I could have written it Anonymously, so that my Facebook friends never know how miser my life was. But No. I am not ashamed of the truth. Accept life as it is.
4. Do not compare your life with anyone.
I see a new trend, specially in Quora. People comparing their life with IITans and IIM graduates. As if, IITans don't have any struggle in life. As if IIM graduates are the happiest people. Trust me, its a myth. They too have challenges, they too have problems in their life. Keeping the expectation of society because you're an IITan or IIM graduate is no easy feat. If you compare your life with someone else's, you will not achieve peace.
5. Be very careful when success comes to you easily. It’s a treacherous path to tread on. You must see failure before success otherwise you will not know its value. Let's say you sit in a campus interview and clear it in one shot, take up the job and keep doing it for years, chances are high that you will regret - "Why I did not explore? What for?" Also, do not expect to get lucky every time. You will be in trouble somewhere down the road, then what are you going to do?
6. Do something on your own. However small or big, doesn't matter. Do something completely from scratch and learn how to sell that thing. This will teach you lessons you will use for the rest of your life.
This will also give you huge confidence. I don't have any fear in my mind. Fear of what? The worst that can happen is that I will lose my day job. So what? I have worked on my own for 3-4 years without any help and have overcome a huge financial crisis on my own, without a job. So if I am in trouble again, I know how to make my way.
7. Do not make one disappointment the center of your life.
When any incident shatters all the plans, hopes and aspirations, people start considering that pain and hurt to be the center of their lives and continue to live their lives around it.When people start considering one obstacle, challenge or misery to be the center of their life, and stop the very momentum of life, they cannot succeed. Nor can they achieve happiness and contentment.
8. Help people as much as possible. My friend Soumen Halder was with me during that tough phase. WE have had many fights. But he was there. When the storm had settled down at my end, he was going through a tough time. I pulled him out and secured him a position at a startup I was working.
9. Do not be obsessed with 'perfection'. You don't need a perfect solution. You need a solution which is 'good enough'.
People say 'passion' is everything. Trust me, it's wrong. Passion is not everything. No one interviews a passionate musician who has played guitar for 20 years, has never copied someone else's music and called it his own.
You should have a Goal. Well, wrong again. How do you know where you are going when you are full of doubts?
I believe, you need a problem. A massive problem. A crisis. Solve that shit and you will have those answers. Most of this comes from experimentation. And to experiment, you need systems.
Big things will happen from many small things. So let's say if you have 10 small things in your pocket, one of them will be big. You don't know which one is your trump card.
Now this calls for a well deserved rant, take it with a grain of salt.
<rant>
10. Failure is acceptable. Every single person fails. You know what's not acceptable? NOT TRYING. I see most people giving up without even trying in the first place.
So you hate your job. What are you doing to find something you love? You dedicate so much to your girlfriend, you spend hours chatting on Facebook, you go to weekend parties and then on Monday morning, you are ready with your excuses. Stop pretending. Yes You, I am telling this to you. Stop being a hypocrite to yourself. Yes, I am angry and shouting because I know you're not giving your 100%.
You keep feeding excuses to your brain everyday. Things like - "I don't find time to do this. I don't have 60%, I won't be able to sit in some campus placement interview, I am a loser. She will leave me, my parents, he is lucky because he has an MBA, I don't have a rich father, recession is coming, not many companies are hiring electrical engineers, everyone is shooting for IT companies. I must get some money to pursue MS from US, otherwise it will be impossible to succeed.....I am a girl and I cannot survive outside my home because of rising crime against women, I am this I am that...." FUCK..!
WTF dude? WTF are you thinking? You need a massive thrashing from life. Someone must tie you with a rope and beat you up like shit, then you will do it. You dumb ass, stop telling yourself those imaginary lies. Stop cribbing over your misery. Stop crying over your weaknesses. JUST DO IT. You're not a kid who cries over a fucking lollypop. Get off your ass...!!!!!
</rant>
11. Time for another analogy. It's what we call 'Filmy bullshit' :)
Hector and Achilles - Both are great warriors. Hector is a noble spirit while Achilles doesn't give any damn about anything.
Hector doesn't 'seek' wars. He sits within his comfort zone and waits for the war to come. His logic - "Yes, I am a warrior but that doesn't mean I should be looking for a war and invite trouble."
Achilles 'seeks' war. He never sits within his comfort zone; he finds out where a war is happening and goes there to fight it. His logic - "I am a warrior, my character is fighting wars. I will find wars and fight it. If I don't, war is going to come anyway and then I will be beaten."
Now who do you think will win, the person who sat within his comfort zone waiting for the war or the person who fought wars anyway?
Be like Achilles. Find wars, fight them. If you behave like Hector, someday an Achilles will come and beat the shit out of you, kill you and drag your dead shit in front of everyone.
As he said - There are no pacts between lions and men.
12. Life is hard. Remember that dialogue from Rang de Basanti,
I don't care who you are and how much money you have, life will bring you down on to your knees and keep you there if you let it. Be prepared. Value relationships: you will need them some day.
I got a few questions in my inbox - "If you succeeded in your website, why did you choose a job?"
Here is the thing I have learned from poverty, being broke, establishing a small business from scratch. Money is not everything in life. Neither is your job title. Nor is your MBA degree. Life is much more greater than these petty things. Life is all about the experiences you make. I could have sat at home and pursued my website, made more money but I would have missed out on experiences which are far more valuable. 25-35 is that time of your life when you can explore and do whatever you want. If you give up your freedom for money, one day you may have to regret it. You're going to die anyway, so the amount of money in your bank account is useless. Make experiences, not wealth. Money is important and it matters but far more valuable is gaining experiences, inviting challenges, accepting how life unfolds. Live in different cities, work on small jobs, you will see the true color of life. You will never be able to realize this if you stay within your comfort zone. Get out of your comfort zone and do stuff you're afraid to do, do things you want to do.
P.S: I still cry for her.
When you have an empty pocket, you will need inspiration. Let me tell you, I am not the only guy out there. I am just average; there are people who have exceptional stories of their own. I know some of them personally, have met a few and have connected online since 4-5 years.
Here is a small list of entrepreneurs and technology bloggers I know whom you can refer for inspiration (in no particular order)
This list is endless and I can go on and on. More awesome people here
The Best Indian Bloggers
_________________________
To the people who think this is a cooked up story to garner popularity, sympathy, upvotes or whatever:
Dude, I didn't write it for you. Because I know you haven't been through what I have been. Had you walked in my shoes, you wouldn't have had doubts over my crying words. I have written this for that soul who is in trouble and needs inspiration. I know that soul is reading it and I know that soul will one day thank me for this. That is all.
Amit Banerjee
I belong to a middle class family and had never seen 'real' poverty during my childhood. Yes, I had a Hercules bicycle. Yes, I was given good education. Yes, I would go to Disney Land once a year. Yes, my parents would take me on holidays. I had a TV video game and a huge collection of cartridges that my mom had bought for me when I scored good marks.
Then I entered college. My sister's marriage was planned, my dad bought an apartment and had to pay my fees for engineering. All three events happened in quick succession and we were suddenly caught in debt.
Somehow, we got scammed and got ourselves chained into bank loans and then, poverty crept in. It all happened in such a rush that it felt as if I had to jump from an airplane without any preparation and learn to fly as I fell, or else, I'd be dead.
During a time span of 2 years (2008-2010), I had to fight poverty on my own.
Here is a crux of what happened:
- No money to pay college fees? Figure out a way to earn it all by yourself.
- No money to pay for daily transport? Walk.
- No money for entertainment, movies or parties? Ask your friends for a smoke.
- No money for anything except basic food.
- Worst of all, deal with the hassles of the bank. They would send 'bouncers' to my house to recover the EMI amount and I would have to guard my mom. I had to sell house furniture, gold, and what not.
I told my father that pursuing my education was not worth it given the crisis situation, and that I should take up a job and earn money for the family.
To this, my father said,
"Son, you can make money whenever you want to but you won't be able to learn later. This is a difficult time, don't worry. I myself could not study further and had to take up a job at 18 so that I could feed a family of 10 which included my brothers, sister, parents. I won't let it happen with you. We will somehow manage through it; just do your thing."
The year was 2008. My monthly expenses ranged between Rs. 900-1500 (including food). My engineering fees was Rs. 7000 per month; on the other hand, my family was fighting debt. In Lakhs. Each month, the debt would increase because of the education fee.
I was literally beaten and broken because I had no idea about how to generate money while I was still a student.
- I sat for interviews for a BPO. Rejected.
- I sat for interviews for part-time jobs. Rejected.
- Applied for a teaching job. Rejected.
Every door that I knocked on, I was turned away. Every relative/ friend I asked for money from, slammed the door on my face.
There was a point of time in my life when I had just Rs.10 in my pocket for emergency or just in case, I needed to make phone calls from a local telephone booth. I would walk on the streets for days because I didn't have enough money to afford riding in a rickshaw. I would have to sustain on water when I was hungry and try to save as much as possible. I would work for hours in a data entry job and get paid Rs.1 for filling up forms. This way I earned Rs 80-100 a day. I saw my father giving up his scooter to save fuel costs. I saw my mom giving up attending family occasions. I saw my sister selling her jewelry. And I cried in the bathroom. Alone. For months.
When disaster comes, it comes with a battalion from all directions, all at once.
My girlfriend left me when I needed her the most. She said,
You yourself are in trouble and without a job. How will I present you in front of my family?"
I lost her. I loved her; she was the only thing that made me smile but I lost her.For money.
I had died many deaths in those two years but this was the hardest blow. Losing the love of your life because you don't have enough money. I remember our last meeting. It was raining and we were standing below an asbestos shed, enjoying an alpenliebe as that was the only thing I could buy for her.
This was painful and I almost gave up on everything. Weird thoughts started hitting my mind.
Meanwhile, I got a public sector job which I did not like. I walked away. I was already broke, beaten and pushed to the corner but I chose to walk away. Somewhere inside my heart, I still had hope. I knew that this was a temporary bad phase and that 'This too shall pass'. But I could not allow mediocrity to creep in. I had a dream and a temporary crisis was no excuse for giving up on my dreams and settling for mediocrity.
Here is the resignation letter (some portions have been blurred for privacy)
Crestfallen. Defeated, what were my options now?
Mission statement: Raise money as rapidly as possible and repay the debt.
- Government sector - This is a dead end.
- Private sector - No degree. No experience. No skills. Shitty resume. Bad idea.
- Part time jobs - Possible but not scalable as they are low paying. Won't be able to scale rapidly.
- Business - Scalable but read mission statement again. No money in the first place. How do I start a business without money? Are you kidding me?
Solution: Start a business which does not require initial investment. But this model should be able to scale itself rapidly. In short, the rate of its scaling should be higher than the rate at which the loan scales. Also, there should be some kind of virality associated with it so that it spreads itself without me having to spread it.
Weapon: Internet and Time. Now let's get some shit done.
I made up a website with 700 INR. Fuck, I did not have Rs. 700 to buy a domain name. I bought it on debt again. Here is a bill which is very close to my heart.....(it says Rs 275 in debt)
I didn't succeed in the first go. I had ZERO technical knowledge on how to build a website. But that was not going to stop me because I didn't had any other option. My survival depended on this and I had to do it, come what may.
My first website didn't pick up. Failed.
I made a second one. It didn't work either.
I made a third website. Failed.
Devastated, I gave it a fourth try. Countless hours spent googling, coding, writing and building it. I remember those days when I used to lock myself in a balcony and google all day long. Days, nights, and weeks, I toiled like a madman. I forgot everything. I burned the midnight oil night after night. I crossed mountains of failures and I wrote, I wrote and I wrote. I suffered from Jaundice and lost 14-20 Kgs. That was the time when I realized what hard work meant.
First month, I made $1.29. Second month, I made $8. Third month I made $21.
And then some more.
And then some more.
And then some more...
When a wolf smells blood and flesh around, it becomes a dangerous beast. I had smelled my flesh and I jumped on my prey with all I'd got.
I generated $40,000 in two years. For the curious and those who doubt my story in their comments - I didn't raise it from a single website, there were some small sites as well. Also, I did a good amount of freelancing. This was to ensure that I had multiple ways of generating money, should the main site crash. The site did suffer a major blow but by that time I had solidified my basement.
Here is a picture of my balcony where I used to work on my website and other things (yes a CRT monitor and a broken laptop which college authorities had gifted me)
I had not wanted to share the stats. But after some people requested for it, here goes the journey of the website.
Adversity causes some men to break, others to break records.
I paid off the whole debt. Even saved a bit.
Today, I work at LinkedIn. It's like a dream come true for me.
No, I am not an MBA. I am not an IITian either. Nor did I go to U.S. to get a degree from an Ivy league university. No, I did not get the job through campus placement. Neither did I make it through employee referral. I am just another average graduate from just another average engineering college. I just did one thing and did it well - put my heart and soul into what I really wanted to do.
But the lessons I learned in those two years have helped me shape my character and be a better person. Those were the longest and the hardest 2 years I will never be able to forget. Also, the most worthwhile time of my life so far.
I don't waste money now.
- No show off.
- Yearly vacations - Yes. Weekend parties - No.
- No costly gadgets.
- I don't buy shit I don't even need.
- I don't buy 'branded' stuff just because every other clueless idiot is doing it. No. I don't.
Lesson learned the hard way - Be grateful for what you have.
These days, my parents are looking for a bride for me. When the girl's father asks for my salary, I smile and say "I hope your daughter gets a wealthy guy. Because I know money matters. Every single rupee counts."
When I return home in flight, a part of me cries. Not because I am spending money on traveling which can be done in train. I feel bad thinking someone on this planet needs this money to feed himself. And here I am, traveling in a jet to save time because I am short on leave.
Lesson: Be kind, for everyone out there is fighting a hard battle.
Here is sharing the first cheque I received for my website. This was that day when I cried the most. Whenever I am in trouble, I open my archive and see this cheque. This gives me all the strength that I need.
Some tips to graduates, students who are yet to enter "real world"
1. Lead a loan free life. Need a car? Wait. Don't jump into an EMI. Save and then buy the car. Avoid banks as much as possible. No credit cards, I don't need cashback and other things. Want to study abroad? Don't take huge educational loan. If at all you take loans, have something to fall back on. Money is fire, you gotta be careful. Save. Every month Pay Yourself First
2. Make mistakes. Fail, fail fast and make it public. Don't drag it on. I wouldn't have succeeded in this wild venture had I listened to people telling me I write shitty articles. In fact, all I wrote for the first year was pure garbage. But here is the thing. I didn't stop. I kept pressing on because I had no time.
3. Do not be ashamed of your situation. I could have written it Anonymously, so that my Facebook friends never know how miser my life was. But No. I am not ashamed of the truth. Accept life as it is.
4. Do not compare your life with anyone.
I see a new trend, specially in Quora. People comparing their life with IITans and IIM graduates. As if, IITans don't have any struggle in life. As if IIM graduates are the happiest people. Trust me, its a myth. They too have challenges, they too have problems in their life. Keeping the expectation of society because you're an IITan or IIM graduate is no easy feat. If you compare your life with someone else's, you will not achieve peace.
5. Be very careful when success comes to you easily. It’s a treacherous path to tread on. You must see failure before success otherwise you will not know its value. Let's say you sit in a campus interview and clear it in one shot, take up the job and keep doing it for years, chances are high that you will regret - "Why I did not explore? What for?" Also, do not expect to get lucky every time. You will be in trouble somewhere down the road, then what are you going to do?
6. Do something on your own. However small or big, doesn't matter. Do something completely from scratch and learn how to sell that thing. This will teach you lessons you will use for the rest of your life.
This will also give you huge confidence. I don't have any fear in my mind. Fear of what? The worst that can happen is that I will lose my day job. So what? I have worked on my own for 3-4 years without any help and have overcome a huge financial crisis on my own, without a job. So if I am in trouble again, I know how to make my way.
7. Do not make one disappointment the center of your life.
When any incident shatters all the plans, hopes and aspirations, people start considering that pain and hurt to be the center of their lives and continue to live their lives around it.When people start considering one obstacle, challenge or misery to be the center of their life, and stop the very momentum of life, they cannot succeed. Nor can they achieve happiness and contentment.
8. Help people as much as possible. My friend Soumen Halder was with me during that tough phase. WE have had many fights. But he was there. When the storm had settled down at my end, he was going through a tough time. I pulled him out and secured him a position at a startup I was working.
9. Do not be obsessed with 'perfection'. You don't need a perfect solution. You need a solution which is 'good enough'.
People say 'passion' is everything. Trust me, it's wrong. Passion is not everything. No one interviews a passionate musician who has played guitar for 20 years, has never copied someone else's music and called it his own.
You should have a Goal. Well, wrong again. How do you know where you are going when you are full of doubts?
I believe, you need a problem. A massive problem. A crisis. Solve that shit and you will have those answers. Most of this comes from experimentation. And to experiment, you need systems.
Big things will happen from many small things. So let's say if you have 10 small things in your pocket, one of them will be big. You don't know which one is your trump card.
Now this calls for a well deserved rant, take it with a grain of salt.
<rant>
10. Failure is acceptable. Every single person fails. You know what's not acceptable? NOT TRYING. I see most people giving up without even trying in the first place.
So you hate your job. What are you doing to find something you love? You dedicate so much to your girlfriend, you spend hours chatting on Facebook, you go to weekend parties and then on Monday morning, you are ready with your excuses. Stop pretending. Yes You, I am telling this to you. Stop being a hypocrite to yourself. Yes, I am angry and shouting because I know you're not giving your 100%.
You keep feeding excuses to your brain everyday. Things like - "I don't find time to do this. I don't have 60%, I won't be able to sit in some campus placement interview, I am a loser. She will leave me, my parents, he is lucky because he has an MBA, I don't have a rich father, recession is coming, not many companies are hiring electrical engineers, everyone is shooting for IT companies. I must get some money to pursue MS from US, otherwise it will be impossible to succeed.....I am a girl and I cannot survive outside my home because of rising crime against women, I am this I am that...." FUCK..!
WTF dude? WTF are you thinking? You need a massive thrashing from life. Someone must tie you with a rope and beat you up like shit, then you will do it. You dumb ass, stop telling yourself those imaginary lies. Stop cribbing over your misery. Stop crying over your weaknesses. JUST DO IT. You're not a kid who cries over a fucking lollypop. Get off your ass...!!!!!
</rant>
11. Time for another analogy. It's what we call 'Filmy bullshit' :)
Hector and Achilles - Both are great warriors. Hector is a noble spirit while Achilles doesn't give any damn about anything.
Hector doesn't 'seek' wars. He sits within his comfort zone and waits for the war to come. His logic - "Yes, I am a warrior but that doesn't mean I should be looking for a war and invite trouble."
Achilles 'seeks' war. He never sits within his comfort zone; he finds out where a war is happening and goes there to fight it. His logic - "I am a warrior, my character is fighting wars. I will find wars and fight it. If I don't, war is going to come anyway and then I will be beaten."
Now who do you think will win, the person who sat within his comfort zone waiting for the war or the person who fought wars anyway?
Be like Achilles. Find wars, fight them. If you behave like Hector, someday an Achilles will come and beat the shit out of you, kill you and drag your dead shit in front of everyone.
As he said - There are no pacts between lions and men.
12. Life is hard. Remember that dialogue from Rang de Basanti,
“Gate ke is taraf hum life ko nachate hain, to dujji taraf life humko nachati hai”
I don't care who you are and how much money you have, life will bring you down on to your knees and keep you there if you let it. Be prepared. Value relationships: you will need them some day.
What has poverty taught me?
I got a few questions in my inbox - "If you succeeded in your website, why did you choose a job?"
Here is the thing I have learned from poverty, being broke, establishing a small business from scratch. Money is not everything in life. Neither is your job title. Nor is your MBA degree. Life is much more greater than these petty things. Life is all about the experiences you make. I could have sat at home and pursued my website, made more money but I would have missed out on experiences which are far more valuable. 25-35 is that time of your life when you can explore and do whatever you want. If you give up your freedom for money, one day you may have to regret it. You're going to die anyway, so the amount of money in your bank account is useless. Make experiences, not wealth. Money is important and it matters but far more valuable is gaining experiences, inviting challenges, accepting how life unfolds. Live in different cities, work on small jobs, you will see the true color of life. You will never be able to realize this if you stay within your comfort zone. Get out of your comfort zone and do stuff you're afraid to do, do things you want to do.
P.S: I still cry for her.
Some People you can take inspiration from
When you have an empty pocket, you will need inspiration. Let me tell you, I am not the only guy out there. I am just average; there are people who have exceptional stories of their own. I know some of them personally, have met a few and have connected online since 4-5 years.
Here is a small list of entrepreneurs and technology bloggers I know whom you can refer for inspiration (in no particular order)
- Amit Agarwal (the godfather of Indian tech blogging) - Digital Inspiration
- Keith D'Souza (this guy is my hero, he was my source of inspiration and mentor. I am grateful to him in so many ways beyond any explanation, not because of the money I earned from freelancing. I am grateful because he gave me guidance, he taught me the tricks of the trade. I was a sophomore, would commit silly mistakes and he would correct it, show me the way. I wrote close to 400 articles in the site he started. my articles - Amit Banerjee - Techie Buzz)
- Amit Ranjan (SlideShare COO and co-founder. I am under his mentorship now) Webyantra
- Raju PP - Technology Personalized
- Sandip Dedhia - BlogsDNA
- Abhijeet Mukherjee (I know him. Amazing writer.)http://www.guidingtech.co
m/ - Rohit Langde ( I know him personally. Nice fella!) Blogsolute
- Rishabh Agarwal (He quit his corporate career and pursued Photography. and he is a real bad ass at what he does - Rish Photography)
- Pathik Shah - growth hacker at Hike. He quit his IIM dream and went the startup way. Pathik Shah
- Debajyoti Das - We belong to the same hometown, Calcutta. Our stories are similar. Snaphow.com
- Ashish Mohta - http://www.technospot.net
/blogs/ - Harsh Agarwal - This guy teaches how to raise money online. Good resource- Shouters Who Inspire
- Unitechy Tech Analysis (this goes to all those girls who think technology is for men; she will blow your mind)
- Rajesh (we call him Pandu). If you break your mobile into a million pieces, he will still fix it for you. Rajesh (ePandu) on Twitter
- Puneet Jain MobiGyaan
- Sathyajith - Sathya Says (Linux geek ...we call him just Sathya. )
- Arpit (one of the first guys whom I met online. Alpha geek.http://browserfame.com/)
- Mayur - http://webtrickz.com/
- Shankar Ganesh - He is just 22 years old and well ahead of his time. Killer Tech Tips
This list is endless and I can go on and on. More awesome people here
The Best Indian Bloggers
_________________________
To the people who think this is a cooked up story to garner popularity, sympathy, upvotes or whatever:
Dude, I didn't write it for you. Because I know you haven't been through what I have been. Had you walked in my shoes, you wouldn't have had doubts over my crying words. I have written this for that soul who is in trouble and needs inspiration. I know that soul is reading it and I know that soul will one day thank me for this. That is all.
Amit Banerjee
